Be bold. Be brave. Live big. I am hearing that a lot these days. Sounds like a great idea, to never being afraid to take a risk, having no fear of what the outcomes might or might not be. Wouldn't we all like to live this way? The last couple of years, thanks to Facebook, people have been telling me how they are living vicariously through me. They love seeing the latest adventure I am on and are envious at how "brave" I am. Isn't it amazing how things seem on the outside? I will admit, I have been living a pretty adventurous life. At any point on my Facebook wall you might see me climbing up the side of a mountain or even jumping off of one, and while it may seem like I don't have any fears, that really couldn't be further from the truth. Take climbing for instance. When you are lead climbing you climb from bolt to bolt, clipping your rope as you go. At each bolt you become more protected, meaning there is less distance to fall. When you climb above your last bolt there is a risk you might have a big fall. Depending on how well protected a climb is that could mean 10 feet or 30. There is no worse feeling than getting halfway between bolts and realizing you don't think you can climb any higher. Your options at that point are to take a fall, down climb (which presents its own issues) or to suck it up and push through your fear and get to the next bolt. In order to avoid being in that precarious position one might choose another option. Before leaving the last clipped bolt you can "take". This means your belayer tightens up the slack and you can rest safely on him. This gives you the opportunity to get the air back into your lungs. To take a minute to get your head back into the game, assess your best options for making it safely to the next bolt and calculate your risks. Sounds like a perfectly fine thing to do right? It is fine, but it is definitely not the brave choice. Picture this, you are climbing gracefully up a massive rock face. Your muscles are glowing in the warm sun (not really, but stay with me, I am painting a picture here). Your friends are admiring your skill and strength when suddenly, in a voice that doesn't even sound like your own, you scream TAKE. Your legs and arms are shaking uncontrollably and you look a little like you might be having a seizure. There is nothing cool about that. When you take you tend to feel this sense of failure and defeat. While I know sometimes it is the safest thing to do, I never end up feeling proud when I finish the route. It is like it didn't really count.
Why is it that making the safe choice, makes me feel somehow less successful? Why can't I just be satisfied with myself for trying? What is the point of this climbing metaphor, I am sure you are wondering? My point is that there are plenty of times in life we chose to "take" and instead of seeing it as an opportunity to regroup and reground ourselves, we see it as a BIG FAT FAIL. We think being brave means plowing full steam ahead with no apprehension, no second guessing of our choices. Maybe it is. But, lately I am beginning to wonder if being brave also means knowing when you need help. Allowing yourself to stay grounded and keeping the bigger picture in focus. Cutting yourself some slack and being ok with not always being the best at something. Being ok with risking failure in front of people. That is brave. That is bold. Knowing who you are and not being afraid to be vulnerable and expose your weaknesses. Allowing people to see your fear and then see you man-handle your way right through it and come out on the other side stronger.
The title of my blog, Boldly I Approach, comes from a desire to live life bravely with a sense of adventure, but also without fear of the "take" or the fall. To make choices that are sometimes safe and sometimes risky, but know that with either choice I am still living boldly. As I enter into the final couple of weeks before departing on a medical mission to Africa I am facing some of my biggest fears head on. Honestly, I am terrified. Everyday I am challenged with trusting God's promise and His plan for me. It is faith like I have never really understood before and I am really struggling. I know that there amazing things in store for me and if I can just push through my fears my life will be forever changed. Africa is a daring adventure. It isn't going to be easy and there will be times I will want to take. But, maybe that is the point. Maybe that is God's plan, because what is actually so bad about resting safely on Him?
-So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God-
Hebrews 4:16
